Talking to our elderly parents or grandparents about money is not necessarily easy.  It is admitting to ourselves that they are not doing as well as always and may need some assistance down the road.  I know in our family that was not always the easiest thing to realize that my grandparents were not able to do everything that they used to be able to.  We began by realizing that my grandmother had not balanced the checkbook against the bank statement for about six months.  She told us that it was not quite making sense to her as she had never handled the finances until my grandfather got Alzheimer’s.  She was doing the best she could, but she was trying to learn how to handle here finances in her 70s!

So we began by dealing with the immediate need – balancing the checkbook which took the better part of a day.  Then we began talking with my grandmother about the finances and how could we best help.  She was very willing to talk with us as she really did not understand it all.  She showed us their paperwork and told us what she knew.  Thankfully, my family was able to read through everything and make sense of it, but if we had not understood it all, there was no harm in asking for help from a financial advisor or coach.  Sometimes a third party is helpful to bring new light and understanding to a situation that is close at hand to.

We also began an organizational system.  We got a folder for every piece of retirement investment.  There was one for each life insurance, one for each IRA, one for the house, etc.  We also put summary notes such as what this item was, how much was in the account, who was the beneficiary, and company contact info.  This helped us to know what we were looking at in a glance.  We would update that information each year and review it with my grandmother to be sure she understood as needed.

As time progressed, I took over the checkbook and bills for my grandmother.  Due to their continued health decline, they moved into independent, then assisted, and finally nursing care.  By the time they moved into assisted living, we had been gradually changing more and more bills over to my address in order to insure they were all being handled on time as my grandfather could easily misplace items with his Alzheimer’s.  So during this time, here are the key tips we learned…

1.  Be organized

2.  Learn about their finances as soon as they begin needing help while they can still explain a majority of the information you may need.

3.  Assist as needed.  Do not take over until needed.  This helps them to feel needed.  For as long as possible, I would sit down with my grandparents and write bills with them making them feel part of the process.

4.  Make sure that the person handling the finances is honest and reliable.  It is a lot to handle two household’s finances – yours and theirs.  It may even require a couple of people splitting up the responsibilities – such as one handling the investments and insurance, one doing the monthly bills, and another filing the taxes.

5. Keep a system of checks and balances.  I have sadly heard too many stories of family members trying to take from their parents!

6.  There are times when your parents/grandparents will be more open about their finances than other times.  Take advantage of those times to learn and understand as much as possible versus pushing when they are not ready to talk about them.  This helps both parties frustration level.

7.  Realize there may be a time when you have to step in and take over whether they like it or not.  Signs of this include past due notices, bounced checks, etc.  Be willing to have frank conversations even when it hurts, but always respect them as the parent!  The hardest part of this process for them is the fact they are losing their independence.

8.  Read a book on caring for the elderly and being a caregiver to your parents.  I’ve learned much from various books and realized that my family is not alone!