I’ve written a couple of posts lately about death or loss, and you may be wondering why as I’m normally a very upbeat person.  Well, my grandmother who is eighty-seven years old is not doing well, and the doctor has said there is not much to be done and we are losing her.  This journey of watching a loved one transition from this life to the next is not easy.  As I am going through this journey and learning many different lessons, I hope to share from those lessons to encourage others along the same journey.  We have learned a few important matters to make sure your loved one is taken care of either while they are in good health or before you lose them.

1. Make sure you are clear on the end of life plans

Do they want full code and everything possible to be done for them, or do they only want comfort care?  Knowing their personal end of life decisions can be especially helpful to the person who has been appointed power-of-attorney for their medical needs.  Also, if there is no power-of-attorney for medical and/or financial needs, get that done as quickly as possible.  Otherwise, you are totally dependent upon the doctor’s decisions with no or minimal family input and upon the legal system for their financial needs.

2. Find out burial and funeral arrangements

Do they already have burial plots?  Do they have a preferred funeral home or pre-paid arrangements?  If not, then begin by asking friends and co-workers for recommendations.  We did not even know the names of funeral homes in our town and quickly got some recommendations from friends to help us even know where to turn as the first question they ask you after you lose someone is “where do you want the body sent?”.  That is not the time you really want to be figuring out that answer.  Also, beginning to think about questions such as embalming or not? (My family does not want to embalm as it drains your life fluids out of you.)  A typical funeral service, a graveside service, or a memorial service?  (My family is choosing a graveside service with family calling hours at our home.)  Having some thoughts on this will help you later navigate an emotionally blinding time as well as a time when you have to make quick financial decisions.

3. Determine what family and friends need to be notified

Who needs to be called and given time to come?  Who can be praying for you and supporting you?  Do you need to notify your boss and arrange for some flex time in order for you to be able to spend extra time with your loved one?  You do not want any regrets.  Work can come later…family needs to first priority.

4.  Review life insurance policies and other death benefits

Review life insurance policies and other death benefits so that you know what you have to spend.   My family thought there was very little money for my grandmother’s needs; however, we had forgotten another policy which will just give us enough money to provide for her burial needs.

5.  And finally bathe everything in prayer

Surround yourself with family and friends who are supportive of you.  And remember that it is okay to be upset emotionally.  There are some many issues to deal with – loss of the loved one, financial needs, and physical needs, plus your own personal needs such as eating and sleeping.

I pray that some of the things I have learned are an encouragement to others who are walking or will walk this road of seeing a loved one who is very near and dear to you move to the next side.